Restaurants: From the ridiculous to the sublime...

You’ve heard the description of hell on Earth where the tailors are German, the chefs Polish, the traffic engineers French, the diplomats…well, you get the idea.

The concept of having an American joint in the basement of what purports to be the most elegant hotel in the Republic of China is just as ridiculous, especially when it is a rip-off of a genuine branch of Planet Hollywood across town. The staff doesn’t understand the shtick and the resulting confusion produces almost inedible food. As Stephen King is wont to say, “fuggedaboudit.”

Shang Place

This is a good-looking restaurant with an extensive menu.

I chose mixed Dim Sum from the “Appetizer” section on the menu, and scallops and shrimp from the main course section.

The scallops arrived before I could order a drink. (This is my fourth multi-month trip to this region in a year, and you’d think I’d be used to this by now. I’m not.) I handed the nice gal the plate of scallops, asking, “Could I please enjoy my cocktail, then have my appetizer, then have the main dish. I realize in much of Asia, the concept of separate courses is confusing, but I was trying to plan my dinner by your menu definitions.”

Explaining that the Dim Sum could take a long time (in New York this would provide the ideal opportunity to sell me another drink—that’s where the profit is, darling), she smiled, “Of course.”

In due course, the courses coursed, and I had a lovely dinner.

The Shanghai Pavilion

While I was due to move to another hotel after five days, I liked my room so much, I called the Guest Relations gal.

“Sorry, we’re fully booked,” she said.

“Gee, and I’ve still got some of the restaurants and lounges to try for the article I’m writing. You see, I’ve been dealing with the Director of Communications, and besides, when I checked in, I asked the nice gal at the Guest Relations post at the front desk that I’d probably like to extend my stay and she said that there would be no problem.”

“Oh, I’ll call you back.”

Ten minutes later, I was told the best they could do was to put me on the priority waiting list.

I wrote an email to the Director of Communications.

She called me later.

“Your stay has already been extended because you are such a V.V.I.P. By the way, where are you planning to dine in the hotel this evening?

I said I had reserved at table at 8:00 PM in the (elegant) Shanghai Pavilion on the 38th floor.

“Ah,” she said, “It has the most exquisite food in Taipei.”

My dinner guest, swathed in Balenciaga, and I in my most elegant Shanghai Tang silk jacket (wrapped in tissue paper all this time for tonight’s dinner) arrived on the dot. We stood for what seemed forever in the doorway. Finally a young gal led us to a table, unceremoniously dumped four menus on the table, turned on her heel, and left us gawking. So much for “Communications.”

Bottom Line: The food’s no better than the Air Force club I was taken to for lunch the day before, and the service left much to be desired. Once again, hype over happiness.